I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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