well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
