Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
