I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
