Im at strip club and am horny
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The ass gains better be worth it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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