is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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