how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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