Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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