Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
