I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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