i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
