Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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