Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
