Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
