Nicole vs. Life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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