I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
