I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
