Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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