ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
