Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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