I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
