Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
