ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
