Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
