She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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