He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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