girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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