so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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