i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize