I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
