i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
