HIV tests are more positive than that guy
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this just has baby written all over it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize