I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
