Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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