I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
