Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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