can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
