Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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