Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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