I need help removing her.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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