Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
