would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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