Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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