i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I believe in your delicious
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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