You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
