I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
