trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
