everyone is single if you try hard enough
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
