Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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