The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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