I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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