we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
