he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
