We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
