I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
