Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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