Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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