Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just pee around me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
