I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
