we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The air was thick with penises
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
