I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
