You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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