note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
