he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
