took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
