While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
