can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
