they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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