My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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