I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
