I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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