and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
