Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize