One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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