If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
